Chemo Eve

Again, with the hair! It is really coming out now and I have bald spots. Big ones. I was upset this morning in the shower with the volume of hair that fell out, but then I looked in the mirror and really freaked out. It is not good at this stage. I told Scott that I look like I have a disease. Duh! Anyway, it was very alarming even though I knew it was coming.

I did have a little pity party for myself. Just a little one; I didn't want to freak Annabel out, too. I needed to run some errands today, but I REALLY didn't want to leave the house after that. I finally made myself go to the grocery store at around 4. I wore a red and black bandana. I was pushing Annabel in the cart when I noticed that I picked a cart that had an Aunt Jemima ad on it. Pretty funny! I have also worn my sunglasses in the grocery store on my past two trips. I am not sure why I'm fessing up to this because I could go a long time without getting busted for it. I am prone to outburst, so my reasoning is that IF I do cry, maybe it won't be as obvious. Plus, I can stare at people to see whether they are staring at me. Nobody stared at me. But also, there was a woman in the grocery store around my age wearing pig tails, a tank top, a VERY short pleated plaid skirt and some boots. She bought some ice cream. ?????

I think the hair episode is timely since I have my next treatment tomorrow. I am mad about this whole thing now. I am almost looking forward to getting poisoned to get rid of the cancer. Almost. I am also nervous about going to the doctor, worried that it is going to hurt (even though I know from last time that it doesn't), etc. I dread feeling bad, but I am hopeful that I will bounce back more quickly from this treatment. Last time, I was also getting over the surgery that I had the day before, so I think it should be easier this time.

This afternoon I got a call from my OB/GYN. She called me personally to see how I'm doing. I thought that was nice of her. She wasn't in the office either of the two times I went in there to have my lump checked. I don't think I've ever had a doctor call me to check on me. But I guess I've never had cancer, either!

I made dinner tonight. Scott likes this one thing that I make and I rarely cook, so he requested it. It is lasagna style baked ziti. It tastes good leftover.

I am pretty crabby over the hair and the chemo and everything. I took another shower tonight and now I'm almost bald. I have to take steroids before my treatment and my stomach hurts. Waaaaaaaaaah!