The BREAST Years of My Life

Last week I realized and pointed out to Scott that for 2+ years now, I have been either pregnant, breastfeeding or dealing with breast cancer. So, now I will call these the breast years! Lots of other (more important!) stuff going on, of course, but I can't think of another time that shares the common theme of BOOBS.

After my chemo on Thursday, I had my regularly scheduled Nuelasta shot on Friday. My Dad and Kim came from Knoxville to pick me up and take me back to recover there. I had a great, relaxing week and was very comfortable on the bad days. Annabel and I were very well taken care of despite the fact that we missed Scott! Kim and Jeff took Annabel and I to Fox Den to swim in the kiddie pool (pic above of Uncle, Annabel and I). I enjoyed that since that is where we used to swim when we were little. Annabel wasn't too impressed despite the snazzy new float that her Auntie bought for her. My Dad cooked me my favorite dinner on Monday night and I ate lots. Kim took us to the Binghams one afternoon to swim and hang out. Annabel and I got to meet all the Bingham kids. She had a great time playing and we had a really nice visit. We had a delicious family dinner at Seasons on Tuesday night and then I packed up yesterday morning to come home. I was really sad to leave, but also missed Scott. And the dogs!

Annabel is really chattering away. Her current favorite word is "MINE". I guess it's an age thing because she's pretty spoiled and there's no reason why she wouldn't think everything is hers! Ha, ha. She picks up new words every day and we are having "conversations" now. Another new quirk is that she has clothing preferences. Not always a good thing, but cute nonetheless. When we came home last night, she went through all of her clothes and tried a lot of things on. She likes to practice getting dressed and undressed. It is entertaining to say the least! She picks out some interesting outfit combinations.


Some days are harder than others. I think I am feeling the cumulative effects of the chemo now, so I get tired easier and when I get tired, sometimes I feel sick. It seems like I am always feeling sick; it just wears me out. But also, I think these few days in the treatment cycle are sort of a low point. Tonight I indulged myself in "WHY ME". I think it's a waste of time to ask why this happened to me, but I am worn out and short on sleep. Don't worry, I have already taken my Ativan to combat the icky stomach and the anxiety, so I hope to sleep soundly tonight and wake up feeling tons better tomorrow!


And on a more positive note, I have also made an appointment with the cancer society for some counseling. The woman that will be counseling me also usually leads the breast cancer support group that I attended a few weeks ago (she was on vacation that day). So I look forward to meeting her and I hope that she can help me with my cope-r (coping mechanism), which is also a little run down from working overtime for the past few months. I have great support from my family and friends, but I look forward to talking with her since she's an expert! Our Greenville County Cancer Society has lots of great programs that are free to cancer patients. I am so grateful!


All of this has been happening so fast and I feel like I don't have a lot of control over the situation, but I am starting to read and learn more. I am going to make an effort to learn about some alternative complementary therapies and have already made an appointment to see an iridologist. I don't know much about iridology, but it looks really interesting. An iridologist looks at the iris of your eye and is able to determine weaknesses and strengths in your body and then suggest herbal supplements, diet, etc. to help. Of course, I will take any suggestions to my doctor for approval/review. My appointment for that is next month.

I feel like I'm turning into a hermit, but it is so dang hot outside! Not to mention that leaving requires getting ready to leave and trying to wrangle 25 and a half pounds of 20 month old. She is a good girl, but she is not always willing to be compliant, whether it be a short trip or a long trip out of the house. I am ready for some cooler weather!

#4 is DONE...Halfway finished with chemo!!!

Today was my 4th chemo, marking my halfway point! My oncologist is happy with my progress and my tumor shrunk another centimeter. We talked about the results of my genetic test and yes, I'll need to have a bi-lateral mastectomy as well as an oopherectomy. The results are not going to change my current course of treatment; my doctor is even happier that I am participating in this study since the treatment is aggressive and above and beyond what I would be getting normally.

My next (5th!) treatment will not be taxotere; it will be A/C, also known as the "red devil". I am trying to prepare myself for this because I hear that the side effects are worse with this concotion. The chemo nurse said that I will likely have more nausea and fatigue while I'm taking it. The doctor prescribed me a high octane nausea relief medicine in preparation. I am worried about it, but I am also anxious to get through with chemo. If all goes well and as planned, I should finish up on November 5th.

As far as the surgery goes, there is some amount of recovery time from chemo before I go under the knife. I think it's 4-6 weeks. I will be meeting with a plastic surgeon soon to learn more about my options for reconstruction. My doctor said today that she would probably want to delay my oopherectomy (ovary removal) until after radiation, but initially, I don't like this plan. If they're going to remove them, I'd rather it be when I have my mastectomy. I don't want anything new cropping up! The doctor is concerned about my having to deal with menopause while I am trying to recover (probably emotionally as well). While we decide that, she took a CA125 blood test that screens for ovarian cancer and I will also go to my OB/GYN for an ultrasound on my ovaries. The reason that I don't want to delay the ooph is that if I don't have it with the mastectomy, it will be a long time before I can have it. After I recover from surgery, I will have radiation concurrent with starting up again with Avastin for 30 weeks (10 cycles every 3 weeks). So I wouldn't be able to have more surgery until well after that. I'd rather get it over with already!

Annabel is 20 months old today! I can't believe how big she's getting and how much more rewarding and special our relationship grows every day. Being a Mom just gets better by the minute! I get the most joy out of spending time with my little family. I am sad that she will not be a sister or have a brother or sister; that was not the original plan, but I am so grateful to have her and we will just have to spoil her extra! Ha, ha. That being said, knowing that there will be no more pregnancy or baby has somehow made my vision of our future clearer. And I like what I want for us and what I see for us. So maybe in a way, this part of it is helping me with my good daydreams, which are a great distraction!

Below is a video from a few weeks ago when Mario and Shannon invited us to swim at his parent's pool. Chrissy was in town and Scott and Annabel and Karen and I went over for a visit and a swim. We had a great time! Oh, Friggle the chihuahua is the star of the video. Scott put some music to it and I think he made a good choice! He was beind the camera, of course.

Update

Long time, no post.


Annabel has been sick for about a week. I think she's finally back to feeling good again! Last Sunday night, we went to Mario and Shannon's for dinner (excellent as always!). She was sort of crabby and had a nasty diaper, but we thought that she was just wiped out from a busy weekend. On Monday, she had a fever and that continued through Friday. We took her to the doctor the first time on Wednesday and since she didn't have any symptoms really other than being run down and not sleeping well, the doctor said it was probably just a passing virus. We took her back on Friday night because she still wasn't feeling well, still had a fever and also broke out in a rash. Turns out, she has/had the 5th disease. Apparently that can cause muscle aches (hence the fitful sleeping) and just feeling bad. I endured many temper tantrums last week! Annabel is usually pretty agreeable and easy to get along with, but she was far from either of those things when she was sick. It was exhausting and I am so glad that she is on the mend.


Now the countdown is on for my next treatment on Thursday. I am not looking forward to it, but at the same time will be glad to be halfway finished with the chemo portion of my cancer journey. I am also nervous about meeting with my doctor before treatment because I know it will be time for us to discuss the results of the genetic test. I know that what waits for me is a recommendation to have a bilateral mastectomy as well as an oopherectomy (ovary removal). I have been preparing myself for it, but I don't want to get that ball rolling. It's one thing to know and another altogether to have to plan for it. I am pretty sure that my doctors will want me to have surgery and then complete radiation before reconstruction, so I will be boobless for some amount of time. At least my hair will start growing back before I lose the boobs. I have learned that I am not that vain since I am bald, but I'd rather not test it by being boobless and hairless at the same time if I can help it!

I went to a breast cancer support group last week. It only meets once a month, so that is disappointing. The next meeting will be when I am having treatment #5, so I won't be able to go. There were two other women in the group and then the group leader. The regular group leader was on vacation, so I'm not sure what it is usually like, but it was helpful to meet other people who are in the thick of it like I am. I feel like I did a lot of talking and asking questions. I also went to the Ear, Nose & Throat doctor this week about my continual sore throat. He thinks that I have reflux and says that over the counter medication won't touch it, so he sent me on my way with a prescription for an acid reducer. That was after he stuck a hose up my nose and down my throat! I don't recommend that; it was traumatic and I almost passed out after he finally removed it from my person. He told me that it is usually men who pass out or get woozy, so I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean. I had to recline there for a while with a wet paper towel before I could leave. Waaaaaaahhhhh! You would think by now, I'd be used to all of these medical procedures.

Thank you again for all the support and well wishes! It brightens my days!

The Chosen One

Back so soon!

Last month I went to see a genetics counselor as recommended by my surgeon. The first meeting was a consultation to discuss my family's history of cancer. That appointment happened to be on a Monday morning following a Thursday chemo treatment (#2 in early July). Kim was here to help with Annabel and shuttle me around since I was still on drugs. So, yeah, I went to my consultation on drugs. Oops. Also, I was the very first appointment for my genetics counselor following maternity leave. I was distracted by that because I remember how hard it was for me to go back to work and leave Annabel at daycare for the first time. I had a lot of questions of my own, but I had to bite my tongue and do the genetics thing. And Bridget was great. She walked me through the whole family history as I have gathered it and then explained that she would send a letter with her findings, but that she would recommend that I go ahead with the test to see if I have a mutated gene that may have caused my cancer. We scheduled that appointment for July 21st. In the meantime, I had to do a little research to make sure that my insurance would cover the $3700 test. They do, so I went to the next appointment to give blood and sign some papers. Bridget told me at this appointment that there are 3 or 4 outcomes of the test (can't remember): either I would have the mutated gene BRCA1 or BRCA2, or I would not have a mutated gene or my test would come back saying that I had a mutated gene, just not one that is identifiable (in which case, the lab keeps the info on file in case they find a common mutation at a later time). She also explained that there was a pretty small chance that I would come up positive for BRCA1 or 2....I'm not sure whether she said 11% or 14%. My response: I would not be surprised. I wasn't supposed to get breast cancer either. We also discussed what would happen when she got the results of the test and decided that she should call me and we could talk about it over the phone. Sooooooo.....today as Karen and Annabel and I were walking out the door, Bridget called me with the results of my test. And guess what? I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene. And guess why? Because of my Jewish heritage! Yes, people, I am one of the Chosen Ones and I have the gene mutation to prove it. Mazel tov! My Grandpa on my Mom's side (Schwartz) was Jewish and I knew that he was Slavic way back, but apparently that lends to my Ashkenazi Jewish background and thus my mutated gene. Ashkenazi Jews are apparently from Eastern Europe and apparently most Jews are Ashkenazi Jews. I am learning, so bear with me. My Jewish heritage has never been much more than a source of amusement for Scott. Now it is the cause of my disease. Thanks Mom!

So, what does it mean? I think it is a good thing (so far). I already have cancer, so I think it would have been really frustrating to have an inconclusive result. Now my doctors and I have more information about why and hopefully have better insight about my treatment in the short term and in the long term. I hope that it will help my other family members. If they are tested and test positive, then they are on the radar and will be able to get extra special screenings to catch anything that might come along. For example, the best way to detect breast cancer the earliest is by breast MRI and that is not standard procedure. It is expensive and from what I hear, hard to justify to insurance. Now, maybe Kim and my Mom can get breast MRIs instead of a run of the mill mammogram. It has some implications for men as well, but I really don't know much yet. I will be making another appointment to meet with Bridget to learn more. I am scheduling that for a time when Kim can be here to go with me and get the benefit of the next consultation. In the meantime, I asked Bridget to let my medical team know so that I can talk to my oncologist about it at my next treatment.

In other news, Karen's iPhone got wet a few days ago and she has been carrying her phone around in a gallon sized ziploc bag full of white rice. It is hilarious. Apparently the rice is absorbing the moisture. It's working! You learn something new every day, right? Second picture above is of me and my non-Jewish sister Karen, post diagnosis, pre chemo. (Same Dad, different Moms. I do not have a family tree prepared, but if you'd like the history, let me know and we'll schedule some time.)

My Dad came to visit one Saturday in mid-June to get Annabel a playset. We spent some time at Lowe's and picked out a really nice one. The installation guy came out and said that we would have to get the yard leveled before they would install, but the installation guy doesn't do grading. I have assed around over this for how long now? Anyway, I finally found someone to come out and level out the space for the play area. He is also going to put the playset together and it's FINALLY all in the works! It should be ready to go by Saturday. I am excited about it. Our trips to the park are fewer since cancer came along and it is so freaking HOT here. It will be nice to have this great play area right in our backyard. The first picture above is the progress so far.

Wednesday

If you had asked me before today, I would have told you that this treatment's recovery seemed easier than the last two. I had my Nuelesta shot on Friday and I think that I managed my medication better this time around also. I was feeling pretty good yesterday and went out and about, but sort of relapsed today. I have been really worn out today and feeling sorry for myself, which happens on occasion.

Karen has been a great help. She is taking good care of us and giving Annabel a lot more freedom than I usually do. This morning, they were cleaning the window blinds and frames and Annabel spent some time up on the stepstool. It made me nervous, but Karen told me to chill out; it's not much different than Gymboree. Ha, ha. She was a really good helper, though. I have been unsuccessful in attempts to get her to work with me....she is usually working against me (unfolding clothes, for example). So it was really cute to watch her working together with her Auntie. Karen is always busy and has taken on some of our dirt as her own personal challenge. She has also been taking Annabel to the park almost daily.

Back to the time that has passed...since I got my shot on Friday, I started to feel bad late afternoon/early evening. I went to bed and was down for the count on Saturday. I hardly got out of bed. I spent most of the day in bed on Sunday, too. I had planned for and expected those to be my bad days. Mostly I am just exhausted and a little nauseated. Exhausted to an extreme though. Like, I will lay in bed awake and unable to open my eyes or roll over to take some medicine. I feel like I'm lucky to be able to mostly sleep through it though. I am nervous about switching over to the other chemo medication for my last 4 treatments. But there is plenty of time to worry about that, right?

This week I have also gone to a few different activities offered to breast cancer patients through various agencies. On Monday, I went to a restorative yoga class offered to cancer patients. I was not feeling great, but was extremely lucky that Monday's class was a relaxation class. I really enjoyed it and will be going back whenever I can. Yesterday afternoon I went to the Y for a water fitness class. There were 3 other women in the class and I was the youngest by far. They have been meeting in some form or another for 7 years. It felt good to get in the water and swim around, so hopefully I'll be able to make it to more of these classes as well. I am planning to go to some group support meetings as they come around also. Some of this stuff is offered at weird times, so I will go when I have help with Annabel.

I am so proud of Annabel. She is growing and changing every day and I think that even though this cancer situation is bad, she is thriving with all of the extra attention she gets from our family and friends. She is becoming so independent and she is precocious and adventurous. She is talking up a storm and says new words every day and is very expressive, even though there are lots of times that I don't quite understand what she is telling me. She definitely makes it easier to stay busy and not let this cancer thing drag me down.

#3 down, 5 to go!

Here I am, getting chemo! Sporting the Christensen family heirloom skiing bandana along with my airplane pillow askew and most special blanket received from Jeff for Christmas. My iTouch is on my lap; gets a lot of use, especially at chemo time.

Today was not so bad. They were able to get blood from my port this morning, but when tasked to do it again for the research nurses, the port wasn't working that way. They had to poke my arm. Oh well.

My visit to the doctor was good. She measured my tumor and says that first it was 7cm and now she is measuring 5cm. Still huge, but that is 1cm per treatment! It made me feel very hopeful. Also, still no sign of the lymph nodes that she could feel under my arm. I am happy!

We also discussed my surgery options. That will depend on the results of the genetic test that I took yesterday and the results won't be back for a few weeks, so we will be able to discuss at my next visit. There are a lot of different ways that the surgery can go and my oncologist suggested that I go ahead and meet with a plastic surgeon when we know whether I have the mutated gene. Lately I have been thinking that I'd like to have a bilateral mastectomy, but again, that will depend on what the genetic test says and how my doctors feel about it. It would be scary, but it might be better in the long run. Maybe? That is talk of the future and I've got plenty of chemo left to decide.

My doctor has also referred me to an ENT to look at my throat. Finally! I don't have an appointment yet, but I will be glad to go. I am still waking up at night and have to use magic mouthwash to keep the pain at bay.

Karen was good company today. She took great notes during my doctor's visit and sat with me all day. I think it was hard for her in parts. I am used to it all by now, for the most part and I also have the drugs to help me out, but I think it is hard to see. I am really glad that she was there and we had fun despite the situation.

We stopped at Pita House for late lunch on the way home. Seems that Annabel had a great day with her Mimi and Grandaddy. They were ready to get home to take care of their dogs and Karen loaded Annabel in her stroller to go for a walk, so I am here getting ready to take a nap with the dogs. They are already asleep! And Scott will be home soon too.

Tomorrow, the Neulesta shot. I do not look forward to that since I was in so much pain last time. Hopefully it will not be so bad this time around.

I'll keep you posted! Thank you for reading and sending all of your encouragement and support. I really appreciate it!!

Chemo Day

I have been meaning to update more often, but it is hard to find some quiet time to make it happen. I want to update about what we've been doing, but it's almost been a week and I can't remember everything!

Annabel had her first spend the night party at her Mimi and Grandaddy's house last Saturday! We missed her terribly, of course, but I know she had a great time. Scott and I went on a real date to Sassafras. We ate a delicious meal and then went to a party at Brad and Adrienne's for a bit before coming home and crashing. We did some stuff around the house on Sunday and then had lunch before we drove to Lavonia to pick Annabel up. It was so nice for us to have some time together. I don't think Annabel missed us one bit, but she was happy to see us and came running with her arms out. It was a sweet reunion.

On Monday, my friend Jeanne came to visit in the afternoon and we ate lunch at Barley's. Luckily we were outside because Annabel barfed all over me. I let her sip from my sweet tea and she might have had too much of that and pizza. Ugh! Jeanne and I cleaned up as much as we could, but there was still some on the sidewalk. The server insisted on cleaning it up after I begged him to bring me a bucket or something. As we were leaving, Jeanne asked if maybe the guy thought that I was the one who puked!? I had forgotten about the whole bandana thing, but I was horrified and amused at the same time. He was really nice. Scott says we can't go back there. Ha, ha. I guess I'm pretty easily identifiable these days with my bandanas! Anyway, Jeanne and I had a fun afternoon.

Annabel and I had a busy day on Tuesday. Scott left super early for his business trip to Detroit and I had an appointment for the genetics testing at 8. I took Annabel with me because I knew that they would only be drawing blood and doing paperwork. We were out of there a little before 9 and went to the park and then to the zoo. It was a beautiful day! The humidity was low and there was a breeze blowing. I was happy that the doctor's appointment kicked me into gear early. We also went to Gymboree on Tuesday. Annabel just loves it and I enjoy the class we've been attending. It is in the evening at 5:45, so Scott can take her if I am not feeling well or we can both go. The teacher is great and knows about my situation. Both of her parents are being treated at the cancer center, so we saw her there last time I had treatment. Mario and Shannon invited us over for dinner, so we went straight over there after Gymboree. It was a great time and great food, as always! I miss my peeps. (I have sort of been a recluse lately!) Shannon made me a mix for my iPod that I'll listen to this morning.

Yesterday, Annabel and I stayed in all day. I was trying to get the house in order since Karen was arriving last night. Didn't get too far really! Annabel likes to "help", so usually when I "clean", I have to go back through and take care of her little path of destruction. I started to have some anxiety about today's treatment. Scott got home from Detroit at around 7:30 and then I picked Karen up at 10. We had a nice visit last night before it was time to get some sleep for today.

So today is chemo #3. I am finally interested in reading more about my cancer. I went through the information about my clinical trial yesterday. I think that this is a very aggressive treatment and I am glad for that, but it is hard not to recognize that I am still only at the beginning of my cancer journey. This whole thing is going to go well into next year! If all goes as planned, then I will be finished with chemo in early November. I will get a short 4 week break before I have surgery and then however long for recovery. Then I'll start radiation and will concurrently start 10 treatments of Avastin only, every 3 weeks. That is 30 weeks! To be fair, the Avastin doesn't cause bad side effects and my hair will start growing back after the chemo is over; I guess it's just the thought of being treated for that long. But I am glad that I qualified for the study and hope that this aggressive treatment gets the cancer out forever and ever. It is just overwhelming sometimes....most especially the chemo part. Today and for my next treatment, I will have Taxotere and Avastin again. Then for treatment #5, I start on A/C. I think it is a pretty widely used chemo drug, dubbed the "red devil" because of it's color and I think also because of it's side effects. I am nervous about that because at least I know what to expect from the Taxotere.

I have also been browsing through the many books I have acquired since this whole mess started. I joined a discussion board on breastcancer.org and have been lurking so far, not posting anything, but it is comforting to read what is going on with other women with breast cancer. There are some local opportunities for exercise that I want to take advantage of....all at weird times in the middle of the day! But we are working some things out so that I can try a yoga class for cancer patients at the cancer society and also some kind of water fitness class for women with cancer at the Y. So I look forward to checking those out sometime.

Well, my sweet child is stirring and I need to get up and get ready to go and take my poison! Karen is going with me today and Scott's Mom and Dad are coming up to stay with Annabel. Scott has already gone to work and is going to meet us at the cancer center when I meet with the doctor. I am not looking forward to it, but at the same time, I will be glad to have one more treatment behind me.